#18,788: When One Door Closes ...

Day 18,788

The Bear: Doors [S3: E3] A Study in Life, Passion, Sabotage, and a Return to Self, Simplicity, and Consistency

I'm barely scraping by with my 3-day writing streak, which is honestly embarrassing when you look at Episode 3. It takes us through a whole month of the restaurant's grind: start, prep, dinner service, crash, burn, get food out, clean everything, no leaving till it's done. Every. Single. Day.

There's this moment where Tina asks Carmy, "Chef - or maybe she called him Jeff? - ... do we really need to do this?" And Carmy just fires back, "YES CHEF."

That's why I'm up at this ungodly hour, trying to get this post out before midnight strikes. It won't be perfect, but I'm working at it, reworking it. Trying to mix the best herbs, match the perfect wine, bring this little speck of who I am to the universe, connecting with those around me. Peeling back the onion to figure out who I am, how to release what's weighing me down, fighting the urge to just give up and stop. But yeah, chef, we keep moving forward.

MUSIC

MUSIC from The Bear, Season 3 EPISODE 3

Episode 3 – “WHAT’s NEXT”

More About The Bear

The Bear is an American comedy-drama television series created by Christopher Storer for FX on Hulu. Jeremy Allen White stars as Carmy Berzatto, an award-winning chef who returns to his hometown of Chicago to manage the chaotic kitchen at his deceased brother's sandwich shop. The supporting cast includes Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Ayo Edebiri, Lionel Boyce, Liza Colón-Zayas, Abby Elliott and Matty Matheson.[1]

All episodes of the first season were released on FX on Hulu on June 23, 2022; the second season was released in its entirety on June 22, 2023. In November 2023, the series was renewed for a third season, which was released on June 26, 2024. Ahead of the third season premiere, the show was renewed for a fourth season, which will film back-to-back with the third season. (Via: wikipedia) 

Website: Official The Bear on FX

#18,787 : What’s Next For Us: A Tribute to Fathers & Mothers

Day 18,787

What’s Next For Us:
A Study in Life, Passion, Sabotage, and a Return to Self, Simplicity, and Consistency. 

* Warning: Some spoiler alerts if you haven’t watched yet, but really not many.

The relationship between Sydney and her father is one I love. I miss my dad. He died.

My mom died too. Too young. Death seems to be a central theme in The Bear, death is something that keeps coming up for me. Because even though we’re living, sometimes we’re not really living and we have to kill of what does not work for us anymore. But i digress.

My father was a waiter. Not too much of a respected job here in the US. But he loved it. He would say to me that there was nothing else he could do. He could never sit in an office from 9 to 5.

I think I got this from him. I've spent my time on and off in office, and it nearly killed me and my soul. I think my body and mind were just trying to tell me something and I could create some major sabatoges - similar to Episode 1 that was a real sabatago move by Carmy.

And I'm still running, trying to figure out what the next step is. I put away what the passions were. Suddenly, I realized in watching "The Bear" what it is all about - the passion, the love, the technique, the consistency—I have always been afraid of consistency. That little thing, consistency can lead you to greatness, but the journey, hard to go through.

These days, it takes me many years—many decades—to realize that no one really cares what you're doing. Do they really... you have your family close to you and frankly they are your phantom cheerleaders, supposedly cheering on the sides but do they really want you to change and grow - that would mean they are losing a bit of you.

Side note - this would be Day 2 of writing in a row. I’m just lettin ggo and letting the thouhgts come from me . they may not be perfect they may not be succifnct but F*ck perfection its stopped me so long that righ tnow i’m just going to lget hte totouhgs flow and i hope you stay on thi sjourney with em …

But then you realized you used the excuse of others of being judged to stop, and the realization is that you realized it was YOU who stopped yourself all these years because of all those reasons. And then you wake up and... Life, days, years, and decades have passed by.

The bear may not be fully real, but is it not real at the same time? Trying to fight the narratives and lessons your failure has given you; trying to figure out if you're doing the right thing; trying to figure out if to keep going on the business you started or to give up; believing in yourself. If you think you messed up, believe in yourself again.

So many things... What pieces jump at me in my own personal story? How did they write this that leans so close to my own stories and memories? Is this true for you?

NON-NEGOTIABLES

Terrifying. But it's true. I've realized that when I did not live by this, I lost myself. And The Bear reminds us that non-negotiables are imperative to ensuring you live your life and reach your potential, bit by bit. Each of them sees Carmy losing a bit of himself, but I appreciate that Sydney realizes it is critical and appreciates her partner's thoughts on how to lead life and work.

TAKE US THERE
[Spoiler, stop here if you need to.]
.
.
.

Marcus has lost his mother. She has gone through so much pain. It is so distressing when your parents go through a terrible illness. I know. I understand. You don't want them in pain anymore, but at the same time, it hurts so much when they are no longer there to be a part of your life and see you through life or be there when you screw up and just want someone to answer the phone to listen to you.

Marcus realized the non-negotiables are critical to moving forward in life; life is precious; the non-negotiables in your life are critical. I forgot about these.

What are yours? Don’t forget them.

Just some thoughts for today.

WATCH

MUSIC from The Bear, Season 3 EPISODE 2

Episode 2 – “WHAT’s NEXT”

“Save It for Later” by Eddie Vedder. [Originally by The English Beaats

“Two dozen other dirty lovers
Oh, must be a sucker for it
Cry but I don’t need my mother
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it

Sooner or later, your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later, don’t run away, let me down
Sooner or later, you’ll hit the deck, you’ll get found out
Save it for later, don’t run away and let me down, you let me down
Run away, run away, let me down

Black air and seven seas, all rotten through
But what can you do?
I don’t know how I’m meant to act with all of you lot
Sometimes, I don’t try
I just, “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na”

Sooner or later, your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later, don’t run away, and let me down
Sooner or later, you’ll hit the deck, you’ll get found out
Save it for later, don’t run away, don’t run away, and let me down
Run away, run away, and let me down
Run away, run away, let me down
Run away, run away
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Two dozen other stupid reasons
Why we should suffer for this
Don’t bother trying to explain them
Just hold my hand while I come to a decision on it

Sooner or later, your legs give way, you hit the ground
Save it for later, don’t run away, and let me down
Sooner or later, you’ll hit the deck, you’ll get found out
Save it for later, don’t run away, don’t run away, and let me down
Run away, run away, and let me down
Run away, run away, let me down”

— "Together" by Nine Inch Nails

“(Nice Dream)” by Radiohead.
I’ve had the luck of seeing Radiohead a few times. I’m known to not remember a word of lyrics but the songs make you feel such a way. Nice dream.

“They love me like I was a brother
They protect me
Listen to me
They dug me my very own garden
Gave me sunshine
Made me happy
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
I call up my friend the good angel
But she’s out with
Her answer-phone
She says she’d love to come help but
The sea would
Electrocute us all
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream, if you think that you’re strong enough
Nice dream, if you think you belong enough
Nice dream, if you think that you’re strong enough
Nice dream, if you think you belong enough
Now come home
Now come home
Now come home
Now come home
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
Nice dream
”

More About The Bear

The Bear is an American comedy-drama television series created by Christopher Storer for FX on Hulu. Jeremy Allen White stars as Carmy Berzatto, an award-winning chef who returns to his hometown of Chicago to manage the chaotic kitchen at his deceased brother's sandwich shop. The supporting cast includes Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Ayo Edebiri, Lionel Boyce, Liza Colón-Zayas, Abby Elliott and Matty Matheson.[1]

All episodes of the first season were released on FX on Hulu on June 23, 2022; the second season was released in its entirety on June 22, 2023. In November 2023, the series was renewed for a third season, which was released on June 26, 2024. Ahead of the third season premiere, the show was renewed for a fourth season, which will film back-to-back with the third season. (Via: wikipedia) 

Website: Official The Bear on FX

#18,786 The Bear in Me: A Study in Life, Passion, Sabotage, and a Return to Self, Simplicity, and Consistency

Day 18,633

The BEAR IN ME

 There were not many words. Not everyone loved Bear Season 3, Episode 1. 

* Warning: Some spoiler alerts if you haven’t watched yet, but really not many.

Some say it is life-changing. 

At first, I was watching, thinking this was just one very last recap from Season 2. But there was a moment when a tear streamed down my cheek. I can't even remember when, now that I think about it, I and I didn't quite understand why, but I started to understand more, and each acna read into it what it was for me in this individual I read. 

The pain of pain 

The pains of family strife and toil are taking a toll on you. 

In his case, he moved forward. We all don't.

We get stuck. 

We sabotage 

We miss love. 

We push love. 

We lose ourselves.

We lose others.

We F*up again. 

We are perfectionists. 

We drive ourselves to the bone.

We sabotage
past memories that haunt us. 

Why did we make that choice?
Why didn't you make that choice?
I wanted to succeed,
but I failed.
I want everything.
I deserve nothing.
Life can be simple.
See the small things.
Repeat. Repeat simply
Back to perfection
Find what you love.

Work hard. Give hard.
Realize there is more.
Trust
Hate
Forgive
Forgive yourself
Start Stop
Try again
Repeat

I went through every wave of emotion and every thought that took me through this sporadic, intricate, wild, and wily mind of what lies have offered. I never thought I’d be able to hear examining how the world has any resonance in my life, but now I wake up thinking about it, and I realize there are so many things that brought me to the point I looked at the last time I wrote. So long ago. I looked back and saw the sporadic heres and there of fleeing try's and attempts and sabotage and the giving up and saying that this is not me when it is so much me. And it's much harder to just give up friends. To lose hope is to lose yourself, which is what I have felt for so long. Many of you feel the same.

And the next day, when Carmy just started doing what he knows best—not forgetting what just happened—but just a moment of knowing yourself and what is the next best choice, and just starting again—and working through your relationships, most importantly with yourself. I haven't watched the other episodes yet. I don't know how they end, so I decided not to watch them, but episode one was truly life-changing.

WATCH

MUSIC from The Bear, Season 3 EPISODE 1

Episode 1 – “Tomorrow”

“Together” by Nine Inch Nails
Score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

“[Verse 1]
I’ve become impossible
Holding on to when
When everything seemed to matter more
The two of us (All used)
All used and beaten up
Watching fate as it flows
Down the path we have chose

[Chorus]
You and me
We’re in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
You and me
If the world should break in two
Until the very end of me
Until the very end of you

[Verse 2]
Awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
They pick and they pull, trying to get their fingers in
Well, they’ve got to kill what we found
Well, they’ve got to hate what they fear
Well, they’ve got to make it go away
Well, they’ve got to make it disappear
The farther I fall I’m beside you
As lost as I get I will find you
The deeper the wound I’m inside you
For ever and ever I am a part of
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The Fragile
Nine Inch Nails
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[Chorus]
You and me
We’re in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
You and me
If the world should break in two
Until the very end of me
Until the very end of you

[Bridge]
(All that we were is gone, we have to hold on)
(All that we were is gone, we have to hold on)
(When all our hope is gone, we have to hold on)
(All that we were is gone, but we can hold on)

[Chorus]
You and me
We’re in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
You and me
Even after everything
You’re the queen and I’m the king
Nothing else means anything”

— "Together" by Nine Inch Nails

More About The Bear

The Bear is an American comedy-drama television series created by Christopher Storer for FX on Hulu. Jeremy Allen White stars as Carmy Berzatto, an award-winning chef who returns to his hometown of Chicago to manage the chaotic kitchen at his deceased brother's sandwich shop. The supporting cast includes Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Ayo Edebiri, Lionel Boyce, Liza Colón-Zayas, Abby Elliott and Matty Matheson.[1]

All episodes of the first season were released on FX on Hulu on June 23, 2022; the second season was released in its entirety on June 22, 2023. In November 2023, the series was renewed for a third season, which was released on June 26, 2024. Ahead of the third season premiere, the show was renewed for a fourth season, which will film back-to-back with the third season. (Via: wikipedia) 

Website: Official The Bear on FX

#18,732 It Took Me These Many Days To Wake Up, And Find The Source

Day 18,732

IT’s UP TO YOU

I started this blog around the start of Covid and then stopped. At the time, I was hoping to remind myself and others of why you are so special and how we should wake up every day. Since then, I've hit some peaks and valleys, and last year, I really fell into the unknown. At the turn of the year, I declared this would be my year to break free from being invisible. I was going to own this year, but life had other plans. Without going into too much detail, my body basically broke down on me. The first few months of the year, I was recuperating from a very metaphorical and literal jump that didn't go as planned, which resulted in several surgeries and months later, learning to walk again. Just as I was finally gaining some freedom to do things for myself, I was hit with the next piece of news — something I had never anticipated at this point in my life: there are some abnormal cells. It's funny, I always imagined a plan. Today, I go in for a biopsy, hoping it's benign, but there is a bit of history in the family, so I’m trying to stay as positive as possible, although I had some very dark early days.

What has saddened me the most is that today I’ve reached 18,732 days of life, and I've had quite a good life, very full of ups and downs, but I haven’t really fully lived it or lived it for someone else. Why does it take something like a nearly fatal jump for one to wake up? There were glimmers of light, then you get this type of diagnosis, and it makes you realize the alarming truth that life is very short.

Last night, I was finally able to drive again, and as I left our area, there was a young couple at the edge of the street with candles and lights. The day before, the whole area had been cordoned off with police due to an accident; we had all hoped that everyone went home okay. But seeing the young couple in broad daylight just standing there holding each other, I knew their lives had instantly changed. I don’t know if it was a parent that died, or their child, or if they were a couple or siblings, but I could see the pain that someone suffers from death. It is all too near to me as well, and I had pushed it down well, or so I thought, as there is much anger in losing someone and so much more anger in losing oneself in the process. I'm not sure what today holds as I ramble…

I’m looking for the source.

The. source is me.

The source is you.

Its that simple. Yet the hardest to reconcile.

WATCH

“You have to parent yourself . . .
and make your dreams come true . . .
and give yourself a push”

More About Joni Mitchell

Bio: Fifteen years ago, Mel Robbins hit rock bottom and nearly lost everything I cared about in life. Her anxiety was so bad, she could barely drag myself out of bed. Today, she is one of the most respected experts on change and motivation in the world.". (Via: websitea) 

Website: melrobbins.com
Instagram - @melrobbins

Song for the Day
Ed Sheeran - Save Myself

-- | LYRICS | --

I gave all my oxygen to people that could breath

I gave away my money and now we don’t even speak 

I drove miles and miles but would you do the same for me

Oh honestly?

Offered up my shoulder just for you to cry upon

Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm

They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song

It goes on and on and on 

Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels

I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills

And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell

So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself 

I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain

Cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain

What line do we stand upon cause from here it looks the same?

And only scars remain

Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels

I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills

And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell

So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself 

But if I don’t then I’ll go back to where I’m rescuing a stranger

Just because they needed saving, just like that 

Oh I’m here again, between the devil and the danger 

But I guess it’s just my nature 

My dad was wrong, cause I’m not like my mum 

Cause she’d just smile and I’m complaining in a song, but it helps

So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself

Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels

Or drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills

And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell

So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself 

And before I blame someone else, I’ve got to save myself

And before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself

#18,633 I've Looked At Life From Both Sides Now, And I Still Don't Know Life; Words by Joni Mitchell That Stir Something Up That I Forgot

Day 18,633

Joni Mitchell

I really don't know life at all

It's life's illusions that I recall

I really don't know life

I really don't know life at all

I have to be honest. I didn’t really grow up with Joni Mitchell. The songs in my house were often salsa, boleros. comedy tracks in Spanish and a lot of soap operas. But regardless of when or how you may have come by this song by Joni Mitchell there is somethings that pierces the soul - the pain and joy of life.

I can listen to this over and over again. Lets just look at the words and enjoy the music.

That’s it for today. Joni’s powerful song brought me back here today after beeing gone for so long and giving up.
I forgot. 

I forgot what what is what I wanted;… scratch that — not what I wanted. 

I forgot what is was like to believe and dream and believe that there is another way. 

Joni’s right, we, I don’t know life at all. But …that just means we just gotta keep going.

WATCH

Both Sides Now

Song by Joni Mitchell

“Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now it’s just another show
And you leave ‘em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love
Really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say, “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
Oh, but now old friends they’re acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
It’s life’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know life
I really don’t know life at all
”

— Joni Mitchell

And here’s a bonus vidoe of her performance at Newport Fest and for those that remember, Brandi Carlile of The Go-Go’s Fame has brought us all along on this wild ride with Joni.

More About Joni Mitchell

Bio: Roberta Joan "Joni" Mitchell CC (née Anderson; born November 7, 1943) is a Canadian-American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, and painter. As one of the most influential singer-songwriters to emerge from the 1960s folk music circuit, Mitchell became known for her personal lyrics and unconventional compositions which grew to incorporate pop and jazz elements.[1] She has received many accolades, including eleven Grammy Awards and induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1997. Rolling Stone called her "one of the greatest songwriters ever",[2] and AllMusic has stated, "Joni Mitchell may stand as the most important and influential female recording artist of the late 20th century". (Via: wikipedia) 

Website: https://jonimitchell.com/
Instagram - @jonimitchell

#1,111,111,012: It's Been a While ... But I Wanna Thank Me for Showing Up Today

A year and some have passed. I hit some very downward slopes on this life trajectory. And some highs. And been trying to find my way to balance.

At one point in life I stopped writing. Literally stopped journaling and gave up creative sprints .. a few days or weeks here and there but i remember the day clearly in my late 20s. I had suffered the physical loss of my mother, I had suffered the loss of trust of some of those nearest and dearest, and lost myself in the process.

I woke up and said I can no longer write. It hurts too much. And from that point on I lost myself even further. Loss in finding other things that would keep m my busy avoiding all those pains I so much wanted to avoid only to wake up decades later to realize it was still there fully rooted deep and planted waiting to push through the dirt and come to light to spread its vines into every crevice of my life.

But I don’t have an answer on why today. I’ve created a list of folks that I’ve been listening to over the last weeks, year that I will slowly release in the upcoming weeks. Some I’m blown away I would never have considered listening to. Some are greatly well known. Others not so much.

I don’t know why today I decided to open up these pages again and start writing. But sometimes we don’t
need a reason, and just do.

So for today let’s start with thanking Me.

You can use this for yourself too.

Me is You really when we think about how interconnected we are. Whoever you are out there, listen to the words of Snoop Dogg.

“Last but not least, I wanna thank me!

I wanna thank me for believing in me.

I wanna thank me for doing all this hard work.

I wanna thank me for having no days off.

I wanna thank me for for never quitting.

I wanna thank me for always being a giver, and trying to give more than I receive.

I wanna thank me for trying to do more right to wrong.

I wanna thank me for just being me at all times. ”

— Snoop Dogg

Short Video below. Listen to the Full Video: You’ll notice also that he thanks himself, but he also recognizes the people that believed in him when he didnt himslef. This is important becasue we can be so hard on ourselves to not move forwarda or believe that a lot of the people we exalt did it alone. No one does. We all need some encouragement. That is why 1 in 400 Trillion came to be.

Full video of Snoop Dogg’s Words listen here. Go to 17:23 if you just want to listen to him but there are some pretty amazing introductions including Dr. Dre, Quincy Jones and Jimmy Kimmel.

CONNECTIONS

Today I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert interviewed on Hello Monday. More on this on the future - a podcast that i find just amazingly wonderful. Rich Roll interviewing Arthur L. Brooks.

Website: Rich Roll Podcast with Arther Brooks

Website: Hello Monday with Elizabeth Gilbert

Website: Dr. Joe - started here doing a pineal gland mediation. Watch more about that here.

I don’t know what pushed me to write today but in the last week, I’ve detoxified from not great for you foods, dropped a lot of my social media bad habits, and started yoga. I found time to do a meditation this early AM because I now fully understand why exercise or just moving is so important. To change the direction when my mind is taking me to dark places; switching my physical state is the quickest way to reset or switch my mental state. For many months, years and days it’s easier to stay in the state of staying the same way. It’s easier not to change. I’ve been working on it for a long time, it’s a daily challenge. Some days are successful others really not so much and lots of hours go to scrolling and Netflix. But let’s celebrate today. How’s it going for you?

PS As a reminder since it’s been a long time … I’ll be numbering these small serendipitous moments of awakening from# 1 to 400 Trillion. So today we start again, and that is ok at … at #1,111,111,012. Because the last one was #1,111,111,011.

PS2 Excuse any typos. i’m writing and sometimes editing:) In an effort of stopping my crazy habit of waiting till something is perfect, thus a terrible state of procrastination, instead, I’m just going to deliver this to the universe as is & worry about a grammatical error here or there later. That’s all for now:)

#1,111,111,011: Courage: Your Gateway Drug To Confidence via Amy Porterfield with Jennifer Allwood

The truth of the matter is that I’ve been avoiding you. I started this for me to give to you to. Ok, really to help me, so it’s full circle. And then I put it off for so long, and I let the fear crawl in and stop me from continuing the Finds on 1in400Trillion.com. It’s been a few week. I apologize. 

And then the world literally changed before our eyes. 

 I’m worried on a daily basis, for the folks that are ill, for work and what we thought to be true. But we do have an opportunity, in midst of it all: for new lives, new work and new truths and stories in our lives.  

I’ve spent the last weeks listening to countless podcasts , zoning out on Netflix Tiger King, doing the basics, thanking the universe this time we still have some work to keep my family in a safe space, knock on wood; we’ve been through it all Tech Bust in 2000, 2001 :(, 2008,9,10. - that one seemed to last forever and was very very tough). And the fact is we made it out. 

Somewhere along the way I got a little lost. And finding 1in400trillion is giving me a little light.  

This was a start to  build for the purpose of helping us all and yet I still found very excuse in the book to just pause and stop. 

So today I listened to a few things, Marianne Williamson reading the first days of A Course in Miracles; I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one but I’m sure this will fall into future dates when the words ring thru for me. 

That is what 1 in 400trillion is about, I had read about Mel Robbins for years, bought the book didn’t read it but then one day fell upon her youtube video and I felt an awakening. These small awakenings are what help me.

But I stumbled and stopped 1 in 400 Trillion just after a week; coming up with the excuse of time. 

Then March 2020 happened, and life has taken us all in a very different direction. I empathize with those that have loss.

Today I received an email from a someone I signed up Amy Porterfield, I don’t even remember when I signed up for her newsletter.

That is the beauty of the web and social, if used wisely - we meet people that may provide us words and knowledge at the right time at the right place in the universe. This is the genesis of 1 in 400 Trillion. I don’t know if I would have ever personally met Amy or Jennifer - our worlds are, worlds apart - but their words seeped through.

Serendipitously, this message reached me during a week that I struggled to find Courage ...#308: Courage: Your Gateway Drug To Confidence with Jennifer Allwood. It’s a marketing blog, but heck, it spoke to me, they were speaking about Confidence. Which is my Achilles heel. Jennifer Allwood had a difference perspective.

I struggle on then daily trying to have confidence and resigned to the fact that I was not naturally born with it. But courage ... I can feel touch and sense that I can summon up courage ... just taking a few seconds can dramatically change your life. I already feel a weight falling as I write these words for today just a moment of sense of calm and proof that I found some courage, pushing the button LIVE: 

I’ll take it. And I hope you do too. 

“I think that so many women feel like one day they’re gonna wake up and magically they’re just going to feel confident . . . but we really need to have the goal be courage.””

— Jennifer Allwood

Listen to the Podcast: #308: Courage: Your Gateway Drug To Confidence with Jennifer Allwood

CONNECTIONS

Today I listened to Marianne Williamson, then a newsletter via Amy Porterfield’s came thru where I found Michelle Allwood words on Courage and Fear. Check her out.

Website: Michelle Allwood

Website: Amy Porterfield

Website: Course in Miracles - started this … here and there! But sharing link if of interest!

PS As you see the first days I tried go by day by day. That was a lot of work and overwhelming. So instead i’ll be numbering these small serendipitous moments of awakening from# 1 to 400 Trillion. So today we start at #1,111,111,011

PS2 Excuse any typos. i’m writing and sometimes editing:) In an effort of stopping my crazy habit about waiting till something is perfect, thus a terrible state of procrastination, instead i’m just going to deliver this to the universe as is & worry about a grammatical error here or there later. That’s all for now:)