Day 18,732
IT’s UP TO YOU
I started this blog around the start of Covid and then stopped. At the time, I was hoping to remind myself and others of why you are so special and how we should wake up every day. Since then, I've hit some peaks and valleys, and last year, I really fell into the unknown. At the turn of the year, I declared this would be my year to break free from being invisible. I was going to own this year, but life had other plans. Without going into too much detail, my body basically broke down on me. The first few months of the year, I was recuperating from a very metaphorical and literal jump that didn't go as planned, which resulted in several surgeries and months later, learning to walk again. Just as I was finally gaining some freedom to do things for myself, I was hit with the next piece of news — something I had never anticipated at this point in my life: there are some abnormal cells. It's funny, I always imagined a plan. Today, I go in for a biopsy, hoping it's benign, but there is a bit of history in the family, so I’m trying to stay as positive as possible, although I had some very dark early days.
What has saddened me the most is that today I’ve reached 18,732 days of life, and I've had quite a good life, very full of ups and downs, but I haven’t really fully lived it or lived it for someone else. Why does it take something like a nearly fatal jump for one to wake up? There were glimmers of light, then you get this type of diagnosis, and it makes you realize the alarming truth that life is very short.
Last night, I was finally able to drive again, and as I left our area, there was a young couple at the edge of the street with candles and lights. The day before, the whole area had been cordoned off with police due to an accident; we had all hoped that everyone went home okay. But seeing the young couple in broad daylight just standing there holding each other, I knew their lives had instantly changed. I don’t know if it was a parent that died, or their child, or if they were a couple or siblings, but I could see the pain that someone suffers from death. It is all too near to me as well, and I had pushed it down well, or so I thought, as there is much anger in losing someone and so much more anger in losing oneself in the process. I'm not sure what today holds as I ramble…
I’m looking for the source.
The. source is me.
The source is you.
Its that simple. Yet the hardest to reconcile.
WATCH
“You have to parent yourself . . .
and make your dreams come true . . .
and give yourself a push”
More About Joni Mitchell
Bio: Fifteen years ago, Mel Robbins hit rock bottom and nearly lost everything I cared about in life. Her anxiety was so bad, she could barely drag myself out of bed. Today, she is one of the most respected experts on change and motivation in the world.". (Via: websitea)
Website: melrobbins.com
Instagram - @melrobbins
Song for the Day
Ed Sheeran - Save Myself
-- | LYRICS | --
I gave all my oxygen to people that could breath
I gave away my money and now we don’t even speak
I drove miles and miles but would you do the same for me
Oh honestly?
Offered up my shoulder just for you to cry upon
Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm
They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song
It goes on and on and on
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels
I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills
And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself
I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain
Cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain
What line do we stand upon cause from here it looks the same?
And only scars remain
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels
I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills
And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself
But if I don’t then I’ll go back to where I’m rescuing a stranger
Just because they needed saving, just like that
Oh I’m here again, between the devil and the danger
But I guess it’s just my nature
My dad was wrong, cause I’m not like my mum
Cause she’d just smile and I’m complaining in a song, but it helps
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels
Or drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills
And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell
So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself
And before I blame someone else, I’ve got to save myself
And before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself